Why The Obama Administration is Correct When They Say Fox News is Ruining America

During the last decade or so, news ceased to be news and instead became entertainment (much like what has happened to sports). Notable accusations of a not too subtle liberal bias at both the national network and cable news outfits incited anger among a large constituency and paved the way for a conservative entrant into the television news business. Fox News was initially a (somewhat) rational response to what was an unabashed liberal media establishment. If you argue that mainstream news coverage prior to Fox News was anything but liberally slanted, you are no longer welcome in this discussion--please return to the kids table with the small minded folks too insecure to ever concede a point (and say hi to Ted for me). Fox provided some initial much needed balance, but wasted little time in quickly becoming a caricature of itself.

In short, if you watch and enjoy Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly's programs, I'm very, very sad for you. Their shows are mockeries of journalism and instead serve as a study in how to manipulate the uninformed. I guess some could argue that these men are entertainers and their viewers consume their show as such, but I struggle to see how one can glean any enjoyment from the preposterousness. If hypocrisy didn't exist none of these shows would have content. They are more about the personalities of the host than they are the news of the day, but their impact is far more sinister. Much like Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow compelled half of the nation to believe that George W. Bush was a blood thirsty tyrant set on world domination and/or ethnic cleansing, Beck and Hannity have every blue haired old lady stuffing cash into her mattress lest Barack (HUSSEIN!!!!) Obama comes and redistributes it to ACORN. Both accusations are born from a kernel of truth, yet both the conclusions reached are as absurd as they are irresponsible.

The truly nefarious part of it is that large contingents of the general populous choose to take this "news," whether it be from MSNBC or Fox, at face value. Is my mom convinced that President Obama is withholding his birth certificate because he was secretly born in Kenya? She sure is. By the way, did you know he's a sneaky muslim too? True story. Similarly, Rob's mom is probably convinced that Dick Cheney is using all the kickback money he got from Halliburton and Blackwater contracts in the gulf to help Revlon test new mascara formulas on toddlers.

In some ways, the non-Beck/Hannity/O'Reilly programming on FoxNews is even more dangerous. Most folks understand on some level what they are getting when they turn on those personality driven shows. In other words, even those with below average intelligence will concede that yes, Glenn Beck is a staunch conservative. The other programming on Fox that purports itself as "hard news" goes from toeing the line of partisanship to "Democrats cause cancer, story at 11" depending on the breathlessness of the anchor. Because its presented as "BREAKING NEWS" or as a question ("Did Stimulus Dollars Pay for Plastic Surgery For Prostitutes?") it is consumed as if it is straightforward reporting.

Now, not even I am smug enough to believe that I possess the unique ability to see through this farce. I'd venture to say that at some level almost all Fox viewers recognize what they are watching as news with a slant to the right. Human nature, however, dictates that most of us prefer to believe that the rest of the world thinks like we do. In a sense, just confirm for me what I believe and tell me what I want to hear and we can all just call it a night. And in many cases, this speaks to FoxNews' success. Their is an appetite out their for their product and according to their ratings, its a large appetite. Fox's viewership most months exceeds that of MSNBC, CNBC and CNN combined.

The problem with this is where it has led. Each and every domestic or foreign policy issue has become a zero sum game with a discernible conservative and liberal stance. Every policymaker has an underhanded agenda. Every presidential administration is tyrannical. The election cycles of the last decade-plus reveal where this leads. Incumbents are to be blamed for our lot in life and are corrupt by definition. People's opinions, in many cases, are not formed via a digestion of the relevant facts, but instead via a "where's my team stand on this issue" analysis. Partisanship has become synonymous with loyalty. The other political side used to be wrong. Now they are evil and conspiratorial. We have come to the point where journalistic responsibility is an afterthought and television personalities are staring into cameras begging people to get angry and assuring them that there is a powerful, subversive movement hell bent on ending their way of life...whatever that way of life may be.

I don't have a solution. The FCC or the federal government at any level getting involved is not the solution (and would only lead to everyone grabbing their guns and heading to the freedom shelter). Picking up biases in the news you consume used to be one of life's little I.Q. tests. Now I'm hard pressed to tell you where to go for even handed news, which is kind of depressing.

Friday Football….F’nYANKEES27ChampionshipsBestTeamEVERRRR!!!

The NFL regular season…maybe not as meaningful as you might think. Take a look at the numbers below:

2008: Home teams 5-5, Bye week teams 1-3, SB seeds: 2 (winner - PIT), 4 (and a weak 9-7 #4)

2007: Home teams 5-5, Bye week teams 2-2, SB seeds 1, 5 (winner - NYG)

2006: Home teams 8-2, Bye week teams 2-2, SB seeds 1, 3 (winner - IND)

2005: Home teams 4-6, Bye week teams 2-2, SB seeds 1, 6 (winner - PIT)

2004: Home teams 6-4, Bye week teams 4-0, SB seeds 1, 2 (winner - NE)

Over the past five years, home teams are a combined 28-22, and teams coming off a bye week are a combined 11-9. I could've cut the data at two or four years to make the point a little more strongly, but five is a nice round number and at the moment my integrity is outweighing my manipulativeness. I'm a little surprised by these numbers and they're kind of under-reported considering how much coverage is devoted to the NFL. They bye week numbers are especially interesting – conventional wisdom says it's best to have a bye (and it is, more on that in a minute), but teams with a week to heal and scheme and go to Cabo with Jessica Simpson don't do much better than the teams that played in the wild card round. The point: getting a top seed isn't a pre-requisite for post-season success. The playoffs are a new season, and in a lot of ways the NFL post-season is closer to the randomness of the NHL/MLB than it is to the wonderfully predictable NBA.

Back to the bye week point – Although teams coming off a bye are barely over .500 in the last five seasons (and under .500 in the last four), it is unequivocally better to have a bye than to play in the first round. Obviously, teams that play on wild-card weekend can lose on wild-card weekend. In fact, exactly half of them lose. Teams with a bye are undefeated in that round and project to remain so for the foreseeable future. So while the bye doesn't do much to ensure an invitation to the championship round, it certainly gets a team into the divisional round.

Just something to keep in mind during the long and speculative NFL season.

I've said it before and I'll say it again – If Boise State wants to be considered for the national championship, they need to play a tougher schedule. Over the years they've built up a great brand name with the media and fans and people seem to want to elevate them to the next level. With those elements in place, the program could at least be in the discussion for the NCG if they went undefeated and the all of the big boys have at least one loss. But you can't buy it with that schedule. You want to use Boise State as a pillar in a playoff argument? Fine. You want to put them into the top two in the current format? No chance.

The WAC is not a big-time conference. The only two respectable teams in the WAC are Fresno State and Nevada. The other FSU might be decent – they've lost three: one to Boise and close games against Wisconsin and Cincinnati. We'll see how they stack up with Illinois in December. Nevada got smoked by Notre Dame, lost to a weak Colorado State (3-6, 0-5 in the Mountain West), and lost at home to Missouri. Everybody else in the conference sucks. Idaho has a nice record against no competition and nobody else is over .500. Point is, if teams like Wisconsin (or 15-20 other BCS teams) were in the WAC instead of Boise, they'd go undefeated too. The meat of Boise's schedule are the cupcakes that the big teams get criticized for playing.

Boise State scheduled one respectable out of conference game. One. In fairness, that one game has turned out to be a fantastic win over Oregon. With that win, this Boise team proved that they can play with the big boys. Unfortunately, proving it once isn't the same as doing it week in and week out. William and Mary proved that we can beat UVA, but we'd certainly finish last in the ACC. Boise's other OOC games were against: Miami, Ohio (1-8), Bowling Green (4-5), and UC Davis (4-4 in 1-AA). That's just not good enough.

I'm not telling Boise State what to do. They may be perfectly happy racking up WAC titles and undefeated seasons. And maybe they should. Running the table gives them a chance to go to a BCS game and rake in some of that delicious BCS cash. Getting to a BCS game is a pretty damn impressive accomplishment for a program like Boise State, and I'm sure the cash infusion does wonders for their athletic department. Maybe if they play a couple more BCS conference teams they jeopardize that goal. They've got an excellent team and building that program from has been nothing short of spectacular. BUT, if they want to go to the really big game, they've got to put a few more quality W's on their resume.

And the picks make their long-awaited return. If you stick with me over the long run I promise you'll go roughly .500

Last time: NFL 1-3, College 4-0 (!)

Overall: NFL 11-13, College 17-13

NFL:

Dirt Worshippers (+10) over ATLANTA: Every bad team has one of those games where it seems like they say "F it, I know we suck, but we're going to win this one game". For no reason whatsoever, I think this is that game for Washington.

BUCS (+10.5) over Green Bay: And for Tampa Bay! Why not? I'm kind of working with the over-arching theory that Vegas has over-compensated for the early season rampage by big favorites

NEW ENGLAND (-10.5) over Miami: But not for the Dolphins. If there is anybody who would make especially good use of a bye week, it's Bill Belichick. And if there is one offense that it would be especially helpful to have an extra week to plan for, it would be Miami's. Plus, I have a hunch that Bill is still steaming from getting Wildcatted to death last year.

College:

Oklahoma (-4.5) over NEBRASKA: The Huskers are so overrated – just take a look at their schedule. No, you're probably not going to do that. Trust me, it's not impressive. Oklahoma has moved past the "we lost Sam Bradford" phase and on to the "the next guy is the QB" phase. The next guy won't be as good as Bradford, but this is how college football works – good players leave and good teams move on. Should be a good scene in Lincoln though.

Oklahoma State (-7) over IOWA STATE – OSU can't handle Texas, but they're good for 30+ against just about anybody else.

November Reign

A sample of my thought process during a typical World Series AB:

• Derek Jeter strides to the plate looking all cocky and smug: (thinking, let's get an out here)
  
• Cut back the CF camera: (thinking, Oh yeah, I'm rooting for the Yankees. How about a base hit here?)
  
• Jeter lofts a routine fly ball to left field: (thinking, That's right Jeter! You think you're better than me?)
  
• Ben Francisco catches the ball: (thinking, Crap, some guy on the Phillies caught the ball. I hate the Phillies)
  

This happened for pretty much every AB that I watched and I couldn't break out of it. Then I'd usually think about how weird it is that baseball players wear leather belts with buckles or wonder if Pedro Martinez re-styles his hair after putting his hat on. Rough, rough World Series.

I do enjoy Yankees fans chanting the names of their players - seems like more fans should do the same. Although here in the US, we seem to be limited to a particular cadence, while in Europe they have 4 or 5 standard tunes that cover most combinations of syllables and accents.

Many Yankees fans are convinced that Joe Buck hates the Yankees and actively roots against them with every pitch. I'm sure the many Phillies fans are also convinced that Joe Buck hates the Phillies and actively roots against them with every pitch. And for the record, I was convinced that Joe Buck was actively rooting for the Cardinals in the 2006 NLCS, but I think I have more of a leg to stand on there.

People were making a big deal about the Yankees starters going on three days rest, but didn't that happen all the time when we were kids? I always remember the ace of a staff having a chance to start in game 1,4, and 7.

Coach, if I weren't a fairly attractive female, would you spit on me for asking such idiotic questions?: Traci Wolfson asking Urban Meyer if he was surprised that Caleb Sturgis made a 56 yard FG, "Well, I wouldn't have called it if I didn't think he could make it."

The very same Wolfson asking Mark Richt how to get AJ Green more involved after his two-catch first half, "Well. We have to throw it to him more."

For the name file: Kansas's QB of the future: Kale Pick

Case Keenum for Heisman: I'm serious

Taylor Griffin – 8 minutes, 2 points. Next, on ESPN First Take, did the Clips pick the wrong Griffin?

Huge night for unproductive NBA lines:

• Javale McGee – 8 minutes, 0-1, 0 pts, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 blocks, 0 steals, 0 turnovers, 0 fouls
  
• Wayne Ellington – 4 minutes. 0 shots, 0 pts, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 blocks, 0 steals, 0 turnovers, 0 fouls
  
• Sean May – 6 minutes, 0 shots, 0 pts, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 blocks, 0 steals, 0 turnovers, 0 fouls. And some cheese fries
  
• Derek Fisher 34 minutes, 0 points, 0 assists, 0 rebounds, 0 steals, 2 blocks, 2 fouls
  

Other lines that caught my eye:

• Ty Lawson – 23 points in 28 minutes on 9-10 shooting, 3-3 from downtown
  
• Worst shooting performance, Courtney Lee 2-11, 10 points. Bobby Simmons 1-9, 2 points
  
• Roy Hibbert Watch: 15 points, 14 boards, 2 blocks, 1 comment from Geoff using his wife's handle
  

The Big 10 Screws Us Again And Interesting NBA Lines

An enjoyable part of the midweek is to take a look at Saturday's slate of college football games and envision myself sitting on my couch and enjoying them. Like anybody else, we're hoping for good matchups and an even distribution of quality games across the time horizon. This week's slate is a little thin in the first category and quite unfortunate in the 2nd.

The headliner is LSU at Alabama. Can't ask for much more than that -- major SEC schools, massive implications on the division, conference, and national levels, and that little weiner Nick Saban. Of course this is the 3:30 CBS game.

The #2 game is Ohio State at Penn State -- maybe not quite as big on a national level as it has been in recent years, but an excellent game nonetheless. Due to the Big 10's rule banning night games after some point in the season due to "cold", this game will also be played at 3:30 instead of being the marquee ABC game at 8 PM. ABC was left to pick over the scraps and came up with the following regional dog's breakfast:

USC at Arizona State: Only interested if Musburger is calling the game and Jake Plummer is allowed to make a special guest start at QB.

Oklahoma at Nebraska: Only interested if it's the 1980s and Tom Osborne is sporting his size-28 waist bright red pants

UConn at Cincinnati: Only interested if Danny Fortson or Donyell Marshall are involved.

Even the SEC ESPN game can't save the day, as they're offering Vandy-Florida. The final option is FSU-Clemson.

So thanks, Big 10 for ruining Saturday night.

--------------

Some items from NBA box scores that I found interesting:

• Worst shooting performances: Ryan Anderson: 2-14 and 1-11 from 3. Kevin Durant 0-8 from downtown
• Superstars crapping it: Dwight Howard 8 pts, 5 boards, 6 fouls in 17 minutes, Kevin Garnett 3 points on 1-7, 6 boards in a blowout win
• For Miami, Jermaine O'Neal and Michael Beasley combine for 6 rebounds, while Dwyane Wade and Quentin Richardson combine for 19. Also, Shavlik Randolph plays for the Heat, DNPCD
• The Lakers scored 101 and only got 6 from their bench. This has the potential to be a league-low all season.
• Geoff's boy, Roy Hibbert: 14, 12, and 4 blocks
• The Pistons had a total of 8 assists on 31 made FGs
• 20 rebounds for Luol Deng

Ever since I read that Pacers box score this morning, I can't get the Comic Book Guy jingle out of my head, "I am smart. Much smarter than you. HI-BBERT."

The Season is Long, But…

I've got a lot on my mind grapes, so hopefully we'll have a productive week here. We'll start with some fertile blogging ground, a three-game skid by the hometown 53. Or 45. Whatever.

As I said in the original (and more optimistic) version of this post, I was relatively fine with the bloodbath in New Orleans. It's just one of those games you see every year where a good team plays a great game. They even built that capability into Tecmo Super Bowl, so it should be something that NFL fans can process. One would expect an elite team to bounce back with ferocity in the subsequent home night game against Arizona. One would be wrong. Twice. Not only did the Giants not bounce back, one might have developed some concerns that the Giants are not actually an elite team. Still – it's two games, the Giants have built up a substantial reservoir of goodwill and oddly enough each of those games were kind of "prove it" games for their opponents. It's strange when you consider that Arizona won the NFC last year, but the way they were celebrating on the sideline, you could tell that they had circled that game on the schedule. Maybe it's not that odd when you consider that their division is utterly uncompetitive. Either way, the Giants played a sloppy, uncompetitive, flat game and it was thoroughly disappointing.

OK, enough prelude. A bloodbath in Philadelphia is never acceptable. Under any circumstances. Even in a non-competitive season. The Giants are allowed to circle games on their schedule too, and this one should have been marked up with a fat black marker. It wasn't so long ago that the Eagles came into the Meadowlands and a great Giants season ended with d-bag McNabb picking up a phone on the Giants sidelines. That picture should've been in every locker last week. The team should've been breathing fire and spitting nails coming out of the tunnel at the Linc. A win on Sunday would've given the Giants control over the division despite the two previous games – a 6-2 record and away wins against both division teams that have a pulse. A loss and the division is up for grabs, the possibility of a playoff bye is slipping away, and now I'm probably rooting for the Saints to beat the Falcons tonight instead of the other way around. The Giants sucked…in every phase of the game. The highlight of the day was a blocked PAT. It was an absolute abomination and there is no way to rationalize it.

Questions have emerged. Lots of big, uncomfortable questions. I thought I knew who the Giants were. I thought the regular season was a competition for seeding and the next really really big game would be played in January. Apparently I was wrong.

What the F is up with the Giants defense? Short answer, I'm not completely sure and I've rarely been fooled so badly about such a large component of one of my teams. I fully expected the Giants defense to be nasty unit with a ferocious pass rush that could win games on their own. Way, way off. The defense has been a sieve against three of the four functional offenses they've faced. They were good last year and the only significant player they lost was the average James Butler. They added quality players in Chris Canty, Michael Boley, and Rocky Benard. More importantly, they got Osi Umenyiora back from injury. They have more young guys who you'd expect to improve than old guys you'd expect to decline. Now, to be fair, Canty and Boley have played a combined four games.

Brief digression – at halftime of the Knicks game, the sideline girl is interviewing Alan Thicke.

Between Boley, Canty, Aaron Ross, and Kenny Phillips, the defense has suffered significant injuries, but nothing close to the "epidemic" level and not enough to fully explain the sucking we've seen. The Phillips injury is a big one though and it shouldn't be minimized. CC Brown is a terrible football player and the Giants erred in the offseason in failing to acquire any depth at the safety position.

I'm no doctor, but it seems obvious that the biggest offseason departure was that of Steve Spagnuolo. It's very difficult to quantify or prove the impact of coaching and I'm not going to try. Here's what I know – prior to Spags, the Giants' two defensive coordinators were Johnnie Lynn and Tim Lewis – coaches that can reasonably be described as "bad". During those times, opposing receivers were wide f'ing open all the time and the Giants' pass rush scheme rarely appeared to fool anybody. The team looked confused and disjointed. During the Spags years (other than the first two games), the opposite was true. The pass rush was deadly. Receivers were covered. Life was good. Now we're back to the pre-Spags state of affairs. From all accounts, the defense is running a similar scheme as they did for the past two years. The problems, I would infer, come in teaching, coordination, and customization. Stuff like making sure that everyone knows their job so that the back seven is on the same page in coverage. Stuff like taking advantage of matchups that favor your team. Stuff like self-scouting and not allowing opposing coaches to take advantage of your tendencies. Stuff like covering up your weaknesses. From my couch, it seems as the Giants are doing none of this, and that falls on DC Bill Sheridan.

Can he improve? Hard to say. Remember that the Giants D sucked on ice for the first two games of Spags. I don't have a great feeling about it though. Tom Coughlin's track record at hiring coordinators is dubious – Tim Lewis was canned for poor performance, as was Josh Hufnagel, and Kevin Gilbride wouldn't be my first choice for anything other than a mustache contest. Spags is the lone bright spot. Mostly, Sheridan just doesn't look like a guy who's going to be a good DC. Vapid observation? Maybe. But sometimes you just know.

The Giants inability to put together a decent linebacking corps probably deserves mention also.

What the F is up with Eli Manning? Easier to answer, but also more difficult. Short answer: he's Eli Manning. Sometimes he's great. Sometimes he sucks. And there is almost nothing that can explain or predict his massive swings in performance. Eli was outstanding for the first five games. Now he's sucked for three on the trot. At some point he'll play well again. You just have to spin the Eli Wheel and hope it comes up good. Although he can be maddening, the one good thing about Eli is that you know that he's at least capable of playing at an extremely high level. You just hope those games coincide with important games for the team, as they did in 07-08.

What the F is up with the Giants running game? Brandon Jacobs is taking some heat this year, but for me the drop off in the running game can be pinned on the offensive line. They're still good – they're just not as good as they have been for the last two years. This isn't a huge concern, but it's not helping things. Opposing defenses are also focusing on the run a little more than in the past and daring the passing game to beat them. This worked out well in games 1-5 when we had Good Eli, but it's big trouble when we get Evil Eli.

Is there a problem with motivation and focus? I'm not sure. People are often quick to use results-based "analysis" to discuss a team's "fire" or "heart" or "flatness". Generally, it's a lazy, uninformative approach to dissecting a football game. For the moment, I have no reason to believe the Giants have major problems in these areas. They seem to have a lot of good "character" guys and few bad ones. They've got excellent continuity on the roster and the coaching staff by NFL standards. Back to back sloppy, uninspired games raise some flags, but I'm not prepared to draw any conclusions in this department.

What happens now? I don't know. I really don't. San Diego this week and then a bye. Not too many cupcakes left on the schedule. We're back to "every game is really important" mode for the first time in a while. Last year, the hot start built up enough cushion that they could falter down the stretch and still get the top seed. This year, they have some work to do in the 2^nd half just to make the playoffs. If you give the divisions to the Vikings and Saints, there are 6 teams fighting for 3 playoffs spots – NY, PHI, DAL, ATL, GB, and CHI. I still think they're more likely to make the playoffs than miss, but the expectation level has changed substantially in the past few weeks. They still have a lot of good players. They still have a decent record. And if they make the playoffs, I still think they have a chance to make some noise. Unfortunately, the regular season just got a lot more interesting.

World Series Hatemoor

With the emergence of the absolute worst of the 224 potential World Series matchups, I've been giving my brain a rigorous workout in an attempt to determine which team I hate more. It's difficult work, but the kind of task that I was born to do. Ultimately, I won't be able to answer the question of who I'm rooting for until I start watching the games. Ideally, I'd like to see a really painful loss for one side that somehow results in an unsatisfying victory for the other. I haven't quite sorted out how this will work, but I'm holding out hope. I've even embiggened the English language with a new term, "hatemoor". It may conjure up images of a dewey brawling plain outside of Glasgow, but in this context it's being used phonetically.

Yankees vs. Philles: I hate the Yankees. I hate the Phillies. Hatemoor: Even

Recent History: I was six time zones away when the Phillies won the title last year, so in a sense it never really happened for me. I've seen the Yankees win four championships in my adult life, although the recent drought has been satisfying. Hatemoor: Phillies

Recent Rivalry: The Yankees and Mets had some fire when interleague play began, but it's tailed off the past few years. The Phillies have (deservedly) been talking crap about the Mets recently. Hatemoor: Phillies

Announcers: I don't even know who's calling games for Philly these days, but I do know that Michael Kay and John Sterling are among the most insufferable broadcasters in sports. Hatemoor: Yankees

Team Construction: The Phillies have a reasonable payroll and have built their team in an admirable fashion. The Yankees spent billions in the offseason (in this economy?!!) to bring in every superstar on the market. Hatemoor: Yankees.

Fans: Although I've had my issues with Yankees fans, many of them are my fellow travelers during football and hockey season. The Neanderthals of Philly are my sworn enemies on every page of the calendar. Hatemoor: Phillies

Ballparks: Ahh..the ballpark. Although the old Yankee Stadium was slightly overrated, it had that special feel in big games. The new Yankee Stadium seems to come up short in that department, but it's still superior to the joke of a homefield that is Citizen's Bank Ballpark. It's almost like they tried to design a parody of the modern throwback stadium. The miniscule dimensions. The ridiculous two-tiered bullpens that allow Philly mouth-breathers to drool on opposing relievers. It's just horrible. Plus, it's so small that the Philly hitters can rack up steroid era stats, allowing for MVP trophies and enhanced HoF chances. Hatemoor: Philles

European Penetration: Walk down the street of any European city and you'll see five Yankee hats per day. Hats with flames. Pink hats. Hats with sequins and glitter. In Australia I saw a shirt that said, "New York Yankees since 1952". In Amsterdam I asked some guy in a Yankees hat if he could name three players on the team. He just stared at me. Nobody in Europe knows what the Phillies are. Hatemoor: Yankees

Franchise Attitude: YES runs a commercial boasting (in seriousness) that "the Yankees are the most successful team in the history of sports." The Phillies know that they're the third most popular team in their city. Hatemoor: Yankees

Jorge Posada vs. Carlos Ruiz: Everyone hates Jorge Posada. It's the nose. Hatemoor: Yankees

Mark Texiera vs. Ryan Howard: Texiera ran out the pop fly dropped by Luis Castillo earlier this year. An embarrassment of that magnitude should have been enough to get everybody in the Mets organization fired. Unfortunately it didn't. But at least he tried. Hatemoor: Phillies

Robinson Cano vs. Chase Utley: (or "Mike Utley" as a certain "Philly native" referred to him in an oceanside beer garden this summer). Utley is better and scares the crap out of me when he's batting, especially in that joke of a park. Hatemoor: Phillies

Derek Jeter vs. Jimmy "Johnny" Rollins: You'd have to consider this one the main event. Jeter has absorbed a ton of hate over the years, but he's reaching that phase of his career when a badass wrestling heel that everyone loves to hate can't help make a face turn just because he's been around so long. Rollins has emerged as the annoying trash-talking arch-enemy of the Mets. Hatemoor: Phillies

Alex Rodriguez vs. Pedro Feliz: Feliz is obviously a non-entity. While A-Rod is extremely hatable, my contrarianness has pushed me to his defense often over the years. Plus the butt-grab still cracks me up. It's enough to get him to neutral in my book. Hatemoor: Even

Johnny Damon vs. Raul Ibanez: Damon shouldn't be on the Yankees. Hatemoor: Yankees

Melky Cabrera vs. Shane Victorino: I hate hate hate Shane Victorino. I don't even know why. I hate the way he hits. I hate the way he runs. I hate the stupid look on his face. Hatemoor: Phillies

Nick Swisher vs. Jayson Werth: I actually like both these guys. Swisher is the epitome of the good time baseball player and Werth is the kind of quality player who came from nowhere that the Mets never ever dig up anymore. Hatemoor: Even

Cody Ransom vs. Antonio Bastardo: Two of the best names in baseball. Hatemoor: How can I hate these guys?

Other guys I hate:

Cole Hamels: Talked shit about the Mets for no reason (except for their general sucking)

AJ Burnett and Joba Chamberlain: Braided Necklaces? Get real

Miguel Cairo and Chan Ho Park: Remind me of old scrub Mets…because they were old scrub Mets

Bad times ahead. I know two things. One is that all things being equal, I'd like the series to be clinched in an away game so that the home fans don't get to celebrate. The other is that if the Yankees win the first three games and the Giants beat the Eagles on Sunday, I'll be just like Rudy Giulliani, "rooting hard for the Yankees" in game four to create the a supremely devastating day in Philadelphia.

I suppose I could've saved a lot of time and summarized everything with a pair of images...

The Top 100 Embarrassments of the Daniel Snyder Era

While his fingerprints on this franchise only go back a mere 10 years, Daniel M. Snyder has had a profound and distinct impact on the Washington Redskins. From personnel to on field product, from game day experience to litigating elderly women into a fine dust, "Mister Snyder" has the Midas touch...as long as you replace "gold" with "feces." Sit back, relax and enjoy a few dozen of my favorite Daniel Snyder inspired decisions...and good news, friends: There's more where this came from.

The Snyder/Cerrato Specific Embarrassments
1. Firing Norv Turner…at the Stadium…while the team was over .500 and in playoff contention
2. Firing 30 Redskins employees in his first month on the job
3. Charging Fans to Attend Training Camp
4. Obstructed View Seats!
5. Bingo!
6. “The Maroon and Black”
7. Snyder didn’t like what was being said on the Redskins Fan Message board, so he bought it
8. Snyder didn’t like what was being said on the local sportstalk radio station, so he bought it
9. Snyder heard Redskins fans occasionally had fun at Six Flags Parks, so he bought (and bankrupted) it
10. “Inside the Red Zone with Vinny Cerrato”
11. The Club Seats at FedEx – Its very inspiring to see a large section in the middle of the stands sparsely populated for every single game
12. The most expensive parking, concessions and tickets in the league
13. Al Saunders 700 page playbook
14. Snyder Suing Season Ticket Holders
15. Treating draft picks like most people treat pennies
16. The Redskins Trade Coles for Moss and take a $5 million dead money cap hit in the process
17. The Skins give up 3 draft picks (a first, third and fifth) to draft Jason Campbell
18. Hiring Jim Zorn as offensive coordinator…”Oh did we say coordinator, because we meant head coach.”

The Really Embarrassing Losses
1. 2009: Lost to Lions, who were 0-19 in the previous 19.
2. 2009: Lost (at home) to the Chiefs, who were 1-16 in their last 17 games
3. 2007: Lost a squeaker to the Patriots 52-7.
4. 2005: Loss to the Giants 36-0
5. Mercifully, we’ll group the really bad Spurrier losses by year: 2003: Lost to the Eagles 31-7 on national television, lost to the Cowboys 27-0 in a “must win” game, lost to the juggernaut that was the Buffalo Bills 24-7 at home.
6. 2002 Spurrier: Lost 37-7 to the Eagles on Monday Night Football, Spurrier does gum flapping thing in slow motion. Lost to the Packers 30-9, and lost at home to the New Orleans Saints 43-27 (Who was the Saints QB, you ask? Oh no, it was not Drew Brees, or Archie Manning or Jesus Christ…it was Aaron Brooks. Aaron Brooks lit the Skins up for 43.).
7. The First Four Games of the Schottenheimer Era: L to San Diego 30-3, Lose to Green Bay 37-0, Lose to Kansas City 45-13, Lose to the Giants 23-7. Those were fun.
8. 2001: Week 15 and week 16 losses to the Cowboys and Steelers by scores of 32-13 and 24-3 respectively, also known as “The Robiskie Era.” Yes, after a 9-7 loss to the Giants that put the Skins to 7-6, this is when Snyder fired Norv Turner and insisted that Jeff George replace Brad Johnson for the rest of the season. That went well.

File These Under Other Various Embarrassments
1. The Champ Bailey for Clinton Portis Trade
2. The Gus Ferrotte Head Butt Game**
3. The Joe Gibbs Double Time Out Loss
4. Schottenheimer clears cap space, finishes the season 8-3….and is fired.
5. Zorn and Hip Hip Hooray
6. Snyder making a profit off of 9-11 themed Redskins merchandise
7. The Tailgating Fiasco of 2009
8. Trading two draft picks for T.J. Fucking Duckett
9. Osaka!
10. The 67 times Steve Spurrier didn’t know the name of one of his players during a public appearance…”Yes, well, uh, Darternian McCunts made a nice catch on that one there…”
11. Hey! It’s Pepper Rodgers!

**This actually happened in 1997, when Snyder had nothing to do with the Redskins, but oddly enough this is still somehow his fault.

The 28 Day Two (rounds 3 thru 7) draft picks that were complete busts (2000-2008):

1. Eddie Williams
2. Cody Glenn
3. Chad Rinehart
4. Durant Brooks
5. Rob Jackson
6. Dallas Sartz
7. Tyler Ecker
8. Kili Lefotu
9. Kevin Simon
10. Manuel White
11. Robert McCune
12. Jared Newbury
13. Nehemiah Broughton
14. Mark Wilson
15. Jim Molinaro
16. Gibran Hamden
17. Rashad Bauman
18. Cliff Russell
19. Andre Lott
20. Reggie Coleman
21. Jeff Grau
22. Greg Scott
23. Mario Monds
24. Lloyd Harrison
25. Michael Moore
26. Quincy Sanders
27. Todd Husak
28. Ethan Howell

The Eight Day One (Rounds 1 and 2) Draft Picks That Didn’t Work Out (in only eight drafts):
1. Devin Thomas
2. Fred Davis
3. Malcolm Kelly
4. Jason Campbell
5. Taylor Jacobs
6. Patrick Ramsey
7. Rob Gardner
8. Lavar Arrington

The 10 Big Money Free Agent Signings that Tanked:
1. Adam Archuleta
2. Brandon Lloyd
3. Mark Carrier
4. Jeff George
5. Deion Sanders
6. Bruce Smith
7. Dana Stubblefield
8. Dan Wilkinson
9. Jeremiah Trotter
10. Jessie Armstead

The Washed Up Guys That Cost Little Money But Still Sucked
1. Adrian Murrell
2. Shaun Alexander
3. Ki-Jana Carter
4. Trung Canidate
5. Chad Morton
6. Warwick Holdman
7. Danny Wuerffel
8. Shane Matthews
9. Tony Banks
10. Kent Graham
11. Jaquez Green
12. Chris Doering
13. Reidel Anthony
14. David Patten
15. Mike Rumph

The Good Players We Let Go Via Free Agency
1. Antonio Pierce
2. Ryan Clark
(You first must have good players in order to lose them disappointingly, which explains the brevity of this list)

The Black Crusaders...

...are a secret group of powerful Black Americans. Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors, but Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell and Gordon from Sesame Street, they're members, too, and they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. You can read about that on the Interweb.

**The NY Post's coverage of this Steve Phillips incident has been some of their best work, and that, my friends, is a high bar to traverse. I mean they described the girl as "portly," "slovenly" and "a harlot." Is Mrs. Phillips writing this? That said, Hundley does look like something you'd find in the corner of the dancefloor at Rumors around last call...if memory serves...

**All right Geico, that's enough.

**Least exciting League Championship Series ever? I say yes. At least since last year.

**I watched the Redskins-Chieves game last night via the magic of DVR and I walked away with two thoughts: 1) Albert Haynesworth is still the most dominant player in the NFL. He made a difference on more than half the plays he was in for. Even facing double teams he was in the backfield all day. Matt Mosley from ESPN wrote that Haynesworth has been disappointing and I'm pretty sure he is basing that solely on the Redskins' record. 2) The Redskins offense is irrevocably bad. On just about every play one of their lineman got blown up. On the few that one didn't, no one was open. And, both their QBs suck. Beyond hopeless.

**Steve Largent's comments yesterday were awesome. The only part I disagree with is that Snyder gave Zorn the ultimatum in order to get him to quit. That's not important to Snyder--the money he would lose. He gave Zorn the ultimatum in order to simply get what he wanted, which was a new playcaller. What is paramount for Snyder is that whatever is done to "fix" the current problems needs to be something Snyder did. Snyder wants to win, but the thought of winning in a scenario where he is not calling the shots is not attractive to him. The idea of hiring a GM and then stepping away runs directly contrary to why Snyder bought the team. He loves the Redskins (much like Lenny loved the rabbits in "Of Mice and Men")...and his dream was to buy the team and then have everyone say "Dan Snyder made them a winner." Doing so as a traditional owner who turns over the reigns to "football people" is not satisfying.

**Just so we have it straight, Sherm Lewis knows most of the plays (not all), but does not know the formations or the protections. What will be happening Monday is that Lewis will pick the play up in the booth and make that play known to Sherm Smith on the sidelines. Smith will then call the formation and protection and relay that to Campbell. This is not me hypothesizing--this is what the Redskins have said will happen. In my mind, this should be a logistical disaster. If they don't blow through all three timeouts in the first quarter I'll be surprised. They asked Zorn if he was concerned that this might not work logistically and he said "Yes, very concerned."

**Hot: QBs from Purdue; Not: Girls from Purdue

**Are NFL coaches required to wear the awful pleated khakis they all wear with bright white sneakers on the sidelines? And, if the NFL is going to dictate to coaches what they wear from head to toe, then why don't we just get them mechanic-style zip up jumpsuits with nametags on them?

**I'm not too embarrassed to admit it: I enjoyed Marley & Me.

**2010: Uncapped NFL Season + frustrated Daniel Snyder = 44 new names on the 53 man roster. Team record: Still shitty.

**I was reading an Esquire on the plane yesterday (because I don't read "books") and they had a great piece on words that need to be used more and those that should be removed from the public discourse. There was also a great section where they highlighted some colloquialisms, euphemisms and sayings they would like to see added to the lexicon. Among those, "when the nipples hit the floor" was my favorite. They did not suggest a meaning for it (though they encouraged the development of one) but I am eager to use that sometime soon. "Oh yeah, that's when the nipples will hit the floor."

**On my list of hot girls with month's as first names, January Jones is now #1. June Allyson remains last.

The Season is Long

It's something to keep in mind. Although I'll probably write more about the Giants, the thing that prompted this post was noticing that the Ravens have a 3-3 record. It was only three weeks ago when Baltimore was the toast of the league, sitting at or near the top of various "power rankings". Now they're 3^rd place in their division and in a 4-way tie for the last wild-card spot in the NFL. They have the same record as Jacksonville and Houston. Three weeks. Less than a standard hair cut cycle. Today is October 20, and nobody is going to care or remember which teams were the consensus "elite" in the league right now.

This is not a terribly interesting point, but I'm going to belabor it a bit with a couple of examples. Last year, the Eagles were one drive away from making the Super Bowl. That Eagles team lost 36-7 to the Ravens on November 23^rd, tied with the Bengals a week later, and lost 10-3 to Washington on December 21^st. The playoffs were off the table and a lot of somewhat reasonable people were talking about the end of the McNabb/Reid era in Philly. As late as 3:15 on December 28, it appeared that Philly would miss the playoffs. They needed Oakland to score 17 unanswered in Tampa Bay to stay alive. Think about that – the Raiders in week 17.

In 2007, the Giants had just been pounded by the Redskins and were down 10-0 in the first quarter at Buffalo on December 23. Tom Coughlin was on the hot seat and there were serious questions about Eli Manning. Ahmad Bradshaw turned around that game and the Giants went on to win the Super Bowl. In retrospect they may have made the playoffs anyway because some other teams lost, but it sure didn't look that way at the time. To take the opposite angle, the Giants were probably considered the top team in the league for half the season in 2008. They lost their first playoff game and all of those top spots in the power rankings added up to jack squat.

The obvious point is that if we can't even figure out what's going on in late December, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to make any sweeping judgments in mid-October. I realize that people have to generate unprecedented quantities of content and that a lot of the stuff will have to be a little fluffy. But the whole "who's the best team RIGHT NOW" deal is so common and just seems like a huge waste of time. It's kind of weird because most people seem to agree that college football has the worst structure of any major sport, but so much of the NFL coverage tries to replicate the college exercise of constantly ranking the teams.

The Giants got massacred in New Orleans on Sunday and it wasn't very fun to watch. The Saints played an outstanding game and thoroughly deserved the win. I suppose there are two questions to ask: 1) how does it affect the season and 2) what conclusions can we draw? The answer to the first question is simply that the Giants now have one loss and the Saints hold the tie-breaker advantage if it comes to that. The second question is a little more complicated. From a big-picture perspective, I'm not sure it means so much. The Saints are a good team, but we should've known that already. If there happens to be a playoff rematch, I'm not sure the results of this October game would significantly impact my confidence about it in either direction. Maybe that's me being a homer, but I doubt it. If both teams continue on their present course (a big if), I doubt the line would be substantially different and I'm sure plenty of people would pick the Giants. If the game happens to be played in New Jersey, I'm sure the Giants would be favored. Of course there's a possibility that one or both teams don't even make the playoffs.

In short, it was a big game. It was a big deal for the week. In a few days, it will all be forgotten and in the end this game doesn't matter all that much because t's all about the post-season. Maybe the Saints lose in Miami this week and then they won't be the best team in the NFL anymore.

I said last week that the outcome of this game won't affect my view of the Giants and for the most part it hasn't. The Saints played one of "those games". It happens. However it did generate one emergent concern and one piece of confusion. The concern is the safeties. Coming into the season, safety was arguably the position with the least depth on a very deep roster. Kenny Phillips is out for the year and C.C. "Can't Cover" Brown has been inserted into the lineup. This was a big problem on Sunday and I'm not sure that an obvious solution is on the horizon. Everyone in the league has injuries, so it's not like this is some kind of unique problem, but it is certainly a vulnerability.

The piece of confusion is the defensive line, which generated a shockingly small amount of pressure on Drew Brees. I know these guys are good players and I'm pretty sure that they didn't go from suck to blow in one week. I just can't figure out what happened. Is the Saints' OL that good? Are they banged up? Did they have a Jon Moxon/Gilroy style outing on Saturday night? The Giants didn't blitz much and I don't blame them at all. It makes sense – let your elite DL win 1-on-1 battles up front and do your best to cover behind them. Unfortunately the first part didn't happen and the plan went to hell.

The other thing is that I wonder (hope?) if the Giants are sub-consciously pacing themselves a little bit. We see it a lot in the NBA/NHL where experienced teams know that they don't have to play at their highest level for an entire season, as long as they can achieve their regular season goals and elevate their performance in the playoffs. That's a dangerous game in the NFL, but I think it might happen from time to time. It's possible that the regular season might be a little more important to the Saints (and Broncos) than it is to teams that have been there before. I'm not 100% sold on this, but I think there might be something to it.

This Yankees Team is Closer than Ever

(to be honest I couldn't construct a sufficiently witty caption)

Actually, I noticed that Jeter looked kind of annoyed after congratulating Posada for his HR. Naturally, I figured that he was pissed that A-Rod shot ahead of him in a futile attempt to usurp Jeter as the premier high-fiver/fist-pumper of his generation. So I rewound the entire sequence and realized that Jeter had the far more understandable reaction to a surprise fondling.

Friday Football Ho-Down

I'm kind of working on a Simmons schedule here…except without the podcasts and with worse (and more hastily assembled) content. I've been a little stumped for stuff to write about and I think it's because the Wheelhouse home teams are in a predictable state of equilibrium. The Giants are good and that's about all I have to say. It's a tough game in New Orleans this week – they might win, they might lose – but in all likelihood it won't change my perspective on the team. Thinking back to 2007 and before, I needed each game to answer key questions about the team. Depending on the outcome of every game, I'd be high, I'd be low, I'd be confused. Whatever. Now, I'm just good. One might attribute this to a spike in maturity, but the far more causal factor is the consistency and the quality of the team. It's a sturdy ship and it's not going anywhere (barring disastrous injuries, of course). I'm rooting for arguably the best team in the NFL and the arguably best team in college football. Life is good. I'm also rooting for Rutgers, which plays on Friday night. Life is convenient in that regard.

On the Redskins side of the ledger, there's a lot of news coming in, but the big picture is fairly well-defined and static. It's a mediocre team with bleak future prospects. I always enjoyed writing about and following the Redskins, but it's not so fun anymore. Over the time I've lived here, they've never been a threat to become an elite team, but they were often on the verge of catching a hot streak and annoying me to a degree that I would have preferred to avoid. Now it's just not there. Nobody believes in them…with good cause. Without the fear of stoking the fan base, there's just no reason for me to follow them. On the field, they're one of the most dreadful teams to watch in the league…arguably the worst. Off the field, they still provide some amusement, but they've almost gone beyond the pale. It's so bad that it's tough to even laugh at them. There's still one area that piques my curiosity and that's the conclusion. Where does this all lead? It seems like every day some type of embarrassing anecdote makes its way into the media and at some point something has to happen, right? The media kid gloves are buried in the closet so these tidbits of incompetence are going to keep on coming out for the foreseeable future. What's going to happen? We know Zorn will be fired – that's not interesting. I'm talking about more of a long-term, structural change. As insulated from criticism Danny is, he's got to be feeling some heat here. How does he react? Change? Dig in? Or some third, really crazy thing that I can't even imagine right now? That will be interesting. All of "this" is fairly dull.

Speaking of Simmons: Does anybody read anything on ESPN.com besides Sports Guy? They've still got a shit-ton of content, but all I read is Simmons, a little NBA stuff, and maybe some fantasy football. I used to read their stuff all the time, but I can't find anything that interests me…and believe me, I look. I'm pre-programmed to hit their site at least 5 times a day and I can't find a damn thing to read. Maybe the fact that Rick Reilly has prime real estate on the front page is turning me off to the entire operation.

Gotta Hand it to Taco Bell: I really want one of those black tacos. It's just a taco with some food dye, but they've got some kind of mind control advertising going.

Personal Halls of Shame: I know I can't prove this, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there. The college kicker I've seen miss the most field goals is USF's Delbert Alvarado. That guy is terrible, and it seems like he's been there for the entire decade. How does that happen?

Looking Way Ahead: The 11/1 Giants game in Philly was moved up from 4:15 to 1 PM so that Brett Favre's return to Lambeau would be unopposed on Fox. I have no objection to this – a likely hangover from Halloween festivities scores a few points in the 4:15 corner, but it's no big deal to me either way. What I learned in relation to this piece of news was that Game 4 of the World Series is scheduled for that Sunday night, potentially creating one of the great sports rivalry/drunken brawling/ mustache conventions of all-time. Three hours of parking lot drinking….Giants-Eagles….4 hours of parking lot drinking….(possibly) Yankees-Phillies.

USA Soccer: What a roller-coaster of a week. First, a phenomenal win in Honduras to clinch a World Cup spot. From what I can tell, it was one of the most exciting games that Team USA has played in recent memory. Unfortunately, my personal involvement was limited to fist-pumping while watching the bottom line at Lucky Bar. Then Charlie Davies almost dies on the GW Parkway – he's going to be out for a long time. Then Oguchi Onyewu tears his patellar tendon late in the Costa Rica game – he's out 3-4 months, so he should be back for the World Cup, but it's a blow both for his development and team cohesiveness. Tearing the patellar tendon seems pretty awful. Feel that thing – it's big. To leave it on a positive note, Jonathan Bornstein (my least favorite player in the entire pool) headed home the tying goal against Costa Rica with about :15 left in injury time.

A Lot of People Forget: The Jaguars lost at Indianapolis by two points and had every chance to win the game. I have no larger point here – just that very few people seem to remember this.

Seriously? Antonio Bastardo?

Picks:

Last week: NFL 2-1, College 3-2

Overall: NFL 10-10, College 13-13 – Appreciate the symmetry…APPRECIATE IT

NFL:

JACKSONVILLE (-10) over St. Louis - We've already discussed that when it comes to bad teams, we have to throw out their games against Washington.  In non-Redskins games, the Rams are 0-4 ATS.  Not that surprising or interesting.  What might be interesting is that they've failed to cover by the following amounts: 18, 25.5, 14.5, 21.  They haven't been within 2 TDs of the line.  Not only are they easy money, they're comfortable money….which is one of the best kinds of money.

Giants (+3) over NEW ORLEANS - It's a tough game, but why not pick the Giants?

Kansas City (+6.5) over WASHINGTON – If there's one thing that I've learned from writing this section, it's that the Redskins aren't good bets against the dregs of the league.

SAN DIEGO (-3) over Denver – I was going to pick this game no matter what…I just couldn't decide which way to go. It's incredibly compelling from a gambling perspective. First I thought, this is a lock for the Chargers – Monday night, regress to the mean, letdown for Denver, etc. Perfect setup. Then the line came out and it seemed that everybody else was thinking along the same lines – 5-0 Denver is getting no respect and nobody seemed to care that the Chargers have been really mediocre this year. So I was thinking of the old reverse upset move and going with Denver. Now I'm back to the original line of thought….so it was all a huge waste of time. Either way, this game is interesting.

College:

Northwestern (+14) over MICHIGAN STATE – The players change. The coaches change. But one thing remains – Michigan State is the flakiest team in the country. I wouldn't be shocked if they lose this game.

NOTRE DAME (+10) over USC – The players change…which is good for Notre Dame. I've got a feeling this is going to be an epic game, in which case the ten points should come in handy.

(gulp...big GULP...I'm going with my gut here)

Double SEC letdown weekend.

Arkansas (+24.5) over FLORIDA
South Carolina (+17.5) over ALABAMA

I know how good they are. I know they're both at home and they both have cromulent, hardass coaches.  I'm pretty sure they'll be playing in a de facto national semi-final in Atlanta. But it's not going to be smooth sailing all year and I could see each of the opponents having just enough in the tank to cause a few problems.

Steve Spurrier: Might Not Want to Hire Him to Coach in the Big 10

From Dan Steinberg's hilarious piece on the Sports Bog with former Skin Tre Johnson (which also includes a fun anecdote about Dan Snyder reaming out Norv Turner in the locker room AT HALFTIME of an NFL game):

"When I came back [from Cleveland], Snyder was the owner, and then we had your man Spurrier, and that was comedy all in itself," Johnson said. "This man, he may be a great college coach, but oh my God, it was crazy having him as a pro coach....I was basically crippled my last two years of playing ball, and was beat up.

I loved him because he came up to me one day, and we were going out to the back of the facility, and he's like, 'Tre', what the hell's this?' I was like, 'That's sleet.'

What is it?

" 'Sleet.' No, we can't go out in this. Go watch some film fellas, go to the gym, do something, we can't go out in this.

Redskins Coaching Bukkake

Okay, Jon Gruden, Mike Shanahan, Mike Holmgren, Tony Dungy, Bill Cowher. Who you got? I’ll give you my negatives on each guy:

Gruden: All sizzle, not much steak. He never really got Tampa Bay any where of note after the first season when he inherited Dungy’s team. Great motivator and awesome fodder for those mic’d up segments on ESPN, but for an offensive guru his offenses sure stank consistently. Pass.

Shanahan: Playoff wins after John Elway retired: 1 in 11 seasons. That’s not awesome. That said, he did make the playoffs four times with the likes of Jake Plummer and Brian Greise. I wouldn’t mind if he was the next Skins coach.

Holmgren: He took the Seahawks to the playoffs 6 times in 11 seasons and is one of the few coaches to have taken two different franchises to a Super Bowl (Reeves, Parcells, Shula, Vermeil). I could even see him coming in midseason and demoting Zorn to OC/QB coach this year. I would be relatively okay with this hire, though doing it midseason is aggressively dumb.

Dungy: It’s hard to get excited about Tony Dungy, which doesn’t make much sense. His resume is strong, he built the Bucs Super Bowl team that Gruden won with and in seven seasons with the Colts he won 85 games—an average of 12 wins a season. That said, with Peyton Manning behind center a lot of coaches can make the playoffs every year. Dungy seems the most unlikely candidate for the Skins job because he’s not flashy enough for Snyder and he would never take the job in the first place.

Cowher: Is it overly simple to say that it’s easy to win in Pittsburgh? Along with the Giants and the Patriots, it’s the best run organization in football. You could certainly do worse than Bill Cowher, but if Cowher had coached any where else other than Pittsburgh would he have ended up being Marty Schottenheimer?

It’s too early to determine who the other dark horse candidates would be for the Skins job. Jeff Fisher might be available. Does Jason Garrett still interest anyone, considering the Cowboys recent play? You know Snyder will lob a call into Urban Meyer, though everyone in the world but Snyder knows that’s an exercise in futility.

Now, the other scenario out there that’s fun to ponder…what about the very real possibility that all these coaches tell the Redskins “Thanks, but no thanks.” Cowher and Dungy are almost certainly not interested. Shanahan has, according to some reports, already said no to Snyder once this year. Holmgren might be interested, but that could also be BS. And Gruden is certain to have other options that don’t include the worst owner in professional sports as part of the deal. So then…who’s on the Skins list? I’ll throw out some other names on Snyder’s potential list:

Nick Saban? If there is one thing the Redskins do well, it is repeating mistakes…both their own and others.

Jim Fassel? He was apparently locked in to be the Skins next coach last January…then the fans expressed great displeasure and that’s how we got Zorn.

John Fox? “Sure Carolina fired him…but he was able to beat us, so he must be good.”

Jimmy Johnson? I doubt he’d take the job, though it’d be intriguing.

Brian Billick? Put me in the minority of guys who enjoy Billick’s shtick. He a smug asshole. What’s not to like? Can he coach? Eh…hard to say…

And then…the colossally stupid possibilities: Les Miles? Rob Ryan? Tommy Tubberville? Barry Switzer? Barry Williams?

The highly unlikely, potentially inspired but not well thought out? Chris Peterson? Kirk Ferentz? Paul Johnson?

Right now, if I had to place a bet, I’d say it will be Shanahan, with Holmgren as a close second.

So, what’s the right answer to the Redskins conundrum? Or more importantly, if I woke up tomorrow, was handed $2 billion and was able to buy the team from Snyder, what would I do?
I’d probably try to get Ernie Acorsi, Ron Wolf, Jerry Reese, Scott Pioli and Ozzie Newsome on the phone. And I’d try to figure out who they thought would be a good candidate to head up a front office amongst those in their organizations. Acorsi, for example, was grooming Reese for the GM slot for years and was confident Reese had the tools to succeed when he retired. Then, I’d let that person “do their job.” I know…it’s a complex plan with many moving parts, but it is crazy enough to work.

Steve Biscotti, the owner of the Ravens, was asked by John Feinstein about his arrangement with Ozzie Newsome when it comes to football operations. Essentially, Feinstein asked “how involved are you in day to day stuff, personnel decisions, cuts, acquisitions, etc? Biscotti’s answer? “I asked Ozzie to make sure he let me know about any moves he was making before it became public so I didn’t hear about it from the press first or get caught off guard with questions. But that’s about it.” Yeah…I wonder what that’s like…

___________________________________________________________________


Notes: The under reported Redskins story (if there is such a thing in DC) is that Chris Samuels’ career may be over. After his injury in the first play from scrimmage this Sunday, the team doctors diagnosed him with stenosis, a narrowing of the spine. This condition led to the retirement of several NFL players, including Sterling Sharpe, because it makes players much more susceptible to paralysis. There are rumors that Samuels is contemplating retiring.

Monday Youtubes of Incompetence

Friday Football Fiesta

It's been a busy week for this guy – thankfully the Dirt Worshippers have been up to all kinds of Shennanigoats.

Awesome: College football. Florida at LSU. Competition. America. Messier. As far as single events go, I don't think you can get anything better than a top 5 SEC matchup at night. Give me a choice of any game to go to in any sport in 2009 and this is it -- and I'd probably say that even if I wasn't a Florida fan. Say what you want about college football – no playoffs, Dez Bryant getting suspended for crashing at Deion's house, Bobby Bowden's senile pep talks – nothing can beat a big college football game in the fall as a singular awesome event. Pretty much anybody worth their salt watching this game at some point is going to say, "Oh man…it would be f'ing awesome to be there."

As far at the game, I'm not expecting fireworks. Neither team has proven that they can do anything interesting on offense…and really neither team has really tried. While both coaches are aggressive by nature, in all likelihood their major goals are going to be limiting mistakes and preventing big plays. My feeling about this game all along is that LSU isn't capable of enough diversity on offense to threaten Florida's defense. I'm sticking with it.

Retreat to Move Forward: Closed-circuit TV. Who knew that even existed anymore? If you're looking for the USA-Honduras match on Saturday night, you're not going to find it on your TV. Not even on a pay-per-view basis. You're not going to find it at Bailey's or a generic sports bar. You might find it at Rincon Catratcho in Springfield, but if you're reading this blog, you'll probably feel unwelcome (and tall) at that establishment. The way this works is that the federation of the home country has the total television rights to the game and Honduras sold the American rights to some company I've never heard of, which is in the seemingly-defunct closed-circuit game. If a bar wants to televise the game, they have to charge a certain amount of money (like 15 bucks) to anybody who comes through the door. Obviously this is a losing proposition for any bar that caters to an English-speaking clientele, thus very few of them have chosen to pick up the game. If you're angry about this (and you should be), the appropriate target is FIFA, which has given far too much autonomy to organizations that can't handle it. The USSF and American broadcast companies don't have many options here and Honduras has their own problems to deal with right now. FIFA is a big, important, powerful organization that should know better and should do more to serve its customers.

Not Awesome: This weekend's NFL schedule. Six of 12 games with a 9 point spread or better. Typically it takes until week 10, when teams have given up, to see 2 TD spreads. We've got two this week, and I'd be hard pressed to take the points (Eagles -15 vs. Bucs and Giants -16 vs. Raiders). To top it off, neither night game is particularly compelling (Colts at Titans, Jets at Dolphins). Those are both 2^nd TV or super-fast Tivo caliber.

Baseball: Needs a storyline and I'm not sure that dipping back into the Yankees-Red Sox well is the right answer. While that series would do better ratings than any other combo, I feel like it wouldn't captivate the country like '03 and '04 because pretty much everybody hates both teams equally now. It's still early, so we'll have to see what emerges. This Cardinals-Dodgers game is pretty good, but it would've been a lot better if they met in the NLCS. Both teams have more cache than either of the Phillies or Rockies (and by cache, I mostly mean much nicer uniforms).

Marian Gaborik: Flat out getting it done.

So I was off the internet for about 36 hours earlier this week and suddenly I find out that Braylon Edwards is on the Jets and he's feuding with LeBron James? What the deuce? I actually completely missed this story and I feel like it's gone and I'll never catch up. Does this affect LeBron going to the Knicks? Don't both of those guys seem a little too level-headed for this? Can we get Braylon's buddy Michael Phelps involved, either to mediate or to pound 15 Miller Lites and start brawling? Can we get Grady Sizemore vs. Wally Szczerbiak on the undercard? Kevin Mack vs. Hot Plate Williams? Otto Graham vs. Early Wynn?

Picks:

Last week – NFL 2-2, College 2-2, Overall 4-4

Overall – NFL 8-9, College 10-11

You wanna talk about the meaty part of the bell curve!

College:

Georgia (+1.5) over TENNESSEE – I think one of the signs we saw at Gameday in Gainesville back in 2001 summed it up succinctly and eloquently – Vols Lick Balls. Tennessee is not good. They're not good at home. They're not good on the road. They smoked Western Kentucky and they played to cover 30 against the Gators. Other than that, they've sucked.

MINNESOTA (-3) over Purdue – A strange line in what might be the last Big 10 game of the year that isn't played for some kind of trophy. Minnesota is 3-2, Purdue is 1-4. They've played schedules of similar quality and Minnesota is at home. Am I missing something here? Shouldn't the line be somewhere between 7 and 10?

Michigan State (-4) over ILLINOIS – If we thought Tennessee was bad, check out Illinois. In three games against 1-A teams, they've given up at least 30 and scored a max of 17. MSU is 1-3, but they've been within one score in each of their losses and scored 26 or more in every game.

NC STATE (-15) over Duke – There's no logic or jokes here. Just one of those gut feeling games.

WASHINGTON (+3.5) over Arizona – I kind like Washington as a team that covers at home. There's some excitement around the program and that stadium will be rocking all year.

NFL: (anybody want some points? Because I'm feeling generous)

Minnesota (-10) over ST. LOUIS – First, there's no homefield advantage here. Last week the Rams defense allowed 2 TDs, their offense allowed 2 TDs, and their special teams allowed 1 TD. That's a nicely balanced squad. It was one of those games where if the 49ers could've won if they punted on 1^st down every time they got the ball (novelty Tecmo Bowl style). By the way, is anybody getting eliminated from survivor pools this year? There are at least six teams that are pretty much guaranteed to lose every week no matter who they're playing. You don't have to repeat your picks at all – just repeat the opponents.

GIANTS (-16) over Oakland – Ugh. I'm not expecting a huge game from the Giants this week, but there are so many big number out there, why not pick against the Raiders?

Pittsburgh (-11) over DETROIT – The Lions seem frisky. People like them now and they're kind of fun to watch. All of that is kind of overshadowing the fact that they still suck. They're always getting a ton of points and they're still 0-3 ATS against non-Redskin competition.

Consultant Fustercluck '09: The Cliff's Notes Version

I'll admit it--when Danny and Vinny do their thing and start turning lemons into urine-ade, its kind of fun. For an organization so fiercely vigilant about controlling the media and their image, they sure do a bang-up job of rolling these major announcements out. What's the opposite of "everyone being on the same page"?

Our problems are solved:
"I don't know what my role will be," said Lewis, 67, a longtime NFL coach and disciple of the West Coast offense.

A warm reception:
"I don't think he's going to tell us something we don't already know," offensive coordinator Sherman Smith said. "I think we're doing the scheme the right way.”

Hitting the ground running:
Asked how much he spoke with Lewis before the job was offered, Zorn said, "Zero." Zorn said he'll be receptive to Lewis's suggestions, but said the idea to add a consultant to the staff was Vinny Cerrato's, the Redskins' executive vice president of football operations. "It's not something that I was looking for," Zorn said.

He also stopped at Walgreens for a bag of Depends and some Metamucil:
Lewis has been out of coaching since 2004. He said Cerrato called him at his home in Michigan on Tuesday to offer the job. "I was getting ready to go to the senior citizens center for bingo. I don't play, I call it. I'm a bingo caller." After speaking with his wife, Lewis called Cerrato to accept the job, then visited the senior center to tell them they needed a new bingo caller, wiggled his way out of a Meals On Wheels commitment and boarded a plane Tuesday evening for Washington.

Of course he did...at Pepper Rodgers house I presume…
Lewis said when he arrived in town Tuesday evening, he immediately met with Cerrato and Redskins owner Daniel Snyder.

Yes, as long as you replace “a conspiracy theorist” with “Everyone not learning disabled”:
A conspiracy theorist might connect the dots and the timeline, which appeared fuzzy on Wednesday, like this: Lewis spends time with an old friend, Greg Blache, the Redskins' defensive coordinator whom he worked with for two years in Green Bay, before the Detroit-Washington game at the team hotel. Blache is a motivator of great renown, thought of highly by Snyder. If things go abysmally south the next three weeks, Blache is asked to take bullets as the interim head coach until season's end.

So you’re saying not to file this one away in the “vote of confidence" folder? Ok, got it.
Charley Casserly, the former general manager of the team, is normally a close-to-the-vest man in his new life as a football analyst on television. In his first thoughts after the hire, he called the addition of Lewis the "kiss of death" for Zorn.

He’s also four Good Book’s away from owning the most bibles of all Snyder’s coaches:
Did you know Zorn is a Carolina victory away on Sunday from being the winningest coach, by percentage, in Snyder's 10-year tenure as owner?

“Sherman Smith’s car …is green. Coach Zorn … likes to drinks soda.”
Lewis smiled, had a few nice quips about coming out of retirement and went back to scouring the halls and reporting his findings to his superiors -- and don't think for one minute that Lewis doesn't represent another direct pipeline to the owner.

So furious, in fact, that he threw his graham crackers and juice on the floor:
League sources have said that owner Daniel Snyder has been furious about the Redskins' poor point production (Washington ranks 27th in the league with an average of 14 points), and he has spent much of his time recently seeking answers from Zorn.

“We felt strongly that we were only a couple corneas away from a real breakthrough”:
'We just want, really, another set of eyes, some observations and some suggestions.' Cerrato said.
"We think it's about execution," Smith said. "We think we need to execute better. The players are saying the same thing. We'll just keep executing, keep running the same scheme, and hey, if he has a set of eyes and sees something we don't see -- 'You need to do more of this and less of that' -- we'll listen to it. We're open."
Lewis said when he arrived in town Tuesday evening, he immediately met with Cerrato and Redskins owner Daniel Snyder. He said they told him they wanted a "fresh set of eyes," someone familiar with the West Coast offense.