Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Gibbs to English Dictionary


Following up on a conversation I had with a few fellow “best fans in the league” last weekend, I decided to help the rest of you get right to the bottom of Gibbsian rhetoric. Here’s what it all means…

“Up here”: Coach’s term for the National Football League, which he apparently thinks is played at altitude. This would make more sense if Gibbs had been a longtime college coach or if he, the luring Pat Gibbs and the "grandbabies" had possibly lived below ground for the last few years like the people in 12 Monkeys.

“Hard fought”: It was a boring game littered with three and outs and field goals where the Redskins ultimately backed into a victory via some “Redskins football.”

“Redskins Football”: An approach to game management so conservative it makes Barry Goldwater’s corpse blush. You know you are watching classic “Redskins Football” when you see the following:

  1. A draw play on 3rd and 9 at midfield during the second half of a tie game.
  2. A FG attempt from the 40 on first down during overtime.
  3. A play action pass that is focused on a receiver only one yard past the line of scrimmage.
  4. Eight games of regular season football without a TD pass to a WR.

A “true Redskin”: Aging journeyman skill position player who wouldn’t make the roster of most “good” teams and lacks any discernible above average skills. And he loves Jesus. See “Thrash, James.”

“fought our guts out”: Code for “needed overtime to barely defeat a significantly below .500 team.”

“Super smart”: Term used to detract negative attention from a “true Redskin” who has shown a complete inability to compete “up here” due to physical shortcomings and general ineptitude. See “Brunell, Mark.”

"Core guys": Players Snyder locked into long term deals that no other team would have approached in value and that preclude the team from ever cutting the player in question.

"We're all in this together...we're sticking together": Only to be used after a loss. Sure, we lost by 45, but it wasn't because one or two of us sucked. We ALL suck. And you know what? That's special. And don't worry...we'll suck like that again someday soon...but gosh darn it we'll do it AS A TEAM.

“we kept swinging out there”: Punts on top of punts. The defense spent more time on the field backpedaling than the refs did.

“Teams”: This is the term Coach “Joe” uses to describe special teams. The irony in his leaving off the “Special” is that in his second tenure the coverage and return teams have been the only consistently above average unit on this shitwagon.

“greatest fans in the league”: The really bitter people sitting with obstructed views behind huge cement pillars or sitting next to 5 empty seats in the club level drinking a $8 Bud Light and munching on $15 chicken fingers while their team loses to the Falcons.

“They’re playing the best football in the league right now”: This week’s opponent.

"We competed": We were dominated in every facet of the game from kick off to final gun.

I've been having fun using this to write my own simulated Gibbs presser.
"We all know that up here all the games are hard fought and it's always tough when the Eagles come to town--they're playing some of the best football in the league right now. We're gonna have to pray, fight our guts out and get back to Redskins football, and good Lord willin', with the greatest fans in the league behind us, maybe we can compete."

33 Comments:

At 1:18 PM, Blogger Jerry said...

One that I like is that "we're all together in there...you know...I think we're really together."

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Yeah, we only roll that one out after a loss. When we win, certain guys fought their guts out, were super smart or even achieved "true Redskin" or even "core guys" status. (Core guys are people we locked into long term deals that no other team would have approached in value and that preclude us from ever cutting the player in question.) When we lose we need to assure everyone that we're going to stick together, it's all of our faults but we need to remind ourselves that we need to compete because it's really hard fought up here.

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

I better add in "core guys" and "we're all in this together"...they are real go tos.

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Spence said...

Great stuff, Geoff. I put a link up to this at hailRedskins.com.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Thanks man. Know where we won't be seeing a link? Extremeskins.

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger Greg said...

Um...beers are up to $8 this year.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Of course they are. Fixed.

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Portis is back in costume. It's Dr. Choo Choo this time...

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2007/11/clinton_portis_is_back.html

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger Whitney said...

To be fair, "We competed" was and probably still is the signature statement of one Norville Turner. Norv's press conferences always always ALWAYS featured that gem as well as "we did some good things out there, we did some not-so-good things," no matter what had just taken place on the field.

So frustrating to feel like you're the only one getting pissed that the team is 0-7, or that the team started 7-1 and missed the playoffs, or that Albert Connell is the leading receiver on the team.

 
At 3:45 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Yeah with the "we competed" thing I might be channeling Norville instead of "Joe"...and some die hards don;t love my mocking of "core guys"...but they might wanna take some of the starch out of their stuffed shirts.

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Whitney said...

Well, the fact that Gibbs 2.0 has us making direct comparisons with the Norv Era has my eyes watering up and my lower lip quivering. We can still respect the heck out of the man and always recall fondly the glory days of the first iteration, but even those of us living in sheer denial have to concede that this ain't workin'.

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

The Portis video is now up on redskins.com...and it doesn't disappoint. He's insane.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

And apparently Southeast Jerome is still alive and can be found at the corner of 15th and Alabama Ave.

Lived in DC for 25 years...no clue where that is.

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger Greg said...

I think that's somewhere off the Suitland Parkway....probably the crappiest area of DC.

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger Jerry said...

The Freemasons designed DC and if you look carefully you can sort of see all of their symbols in the street plan.

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Whitney said...

I believe the Stonecutters also had a hand in it.

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Bored? Go google "pictures of guys rubbing one out" and see what the first website they give you is. Here's a clue: It rhymes with "Perry's Tealmouse."

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger Greg said...

Larry's Seal blouse?

Barry's Mealgrouse?

Terry's Real spouse?

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger Geoff said...

We should have something new up this afternoon.

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger B said...

You forgot:

"Now what you got there is....."

"We think the world of him"

"Super Courageous"

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Geoff said...

"Now what you got there" is a good call. That's the precursor for when either a reporter or fan has pointed out an epic flaw in playcalling/strategy/personnel and Gibbs knows he's got no real explanation for it and he's secretly pissed that you asked about it.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Steve Fox said...

What's the code for "silly Redskins fans still think I'm the greatest even though I have no idea what I'm doing."

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Mark said...

Extremeskins.com?

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger TJ said...

Vinny Cerrato?

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Todd Bender said...

I have a suggestion. How about Offensive balance: Attempting no more than three passes in the second half:

- One incomplete bomb (impossible to intercept)
- One WR screen (impossible to intercept)
- One screen pass to Chris Cooley (thrown into ground to avoid interception)

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Spydey said...

awesome and sad all in one post. I'm with Whitney being completely snowed on Gibbs 2.0 regime and knowing it's not working.

Tough to watch on Sunday knowing I pay for the Sunday Ticket to see that crap.

 
At 8:14 PM, Blogger remle said...

GibbsSpeak is directly related to stupid reporters that ask the same questions each and every stinkin' week. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

See "reporting, Sideline."

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Yeah, you couldn't really be any more wrong about that. The questions are always specific and about game situations, personnel or outcomes. And the answers are always the same.

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Steve said...

you forgot the never ending use of "kinda"...the phrase of decisiveness, as in we kinda thought that we could pop something in there on that 3rd and 7 draw play...or we kinda felt like the smart thing to do was take the time out there...or we kinda thought that...

I love the man, but this is kinda killing me.

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger chief-j said...

How about this one. "I think..." Use it in whatever context you like. He only uses it like 500 times a press conference.

And you're right, it is getting tough to watch, albeit completely predictable.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

Hope you are aware that your dictionary was featured on the John Riggins Radio Program today.
Congratualtions.
-Jeff
a true redskins fan

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Great post...Keep fightin your guts out...

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger karen said...

Sooo sad. Sooo true. You nailed it.

 

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