The Gibbs to English Dictionary
Following up on a conversation I had with a few fellow “best fans in the league” last weekend, I decided to help the rest of you get right to the bottom of Gibbsian rhetoric. Here’s what it all means…
“Up here”: Coach’s term for the National Football League, which he apparently thinks is played at altitude. This would make more sense if Gibbs had been a longtime college coach or if he, the luring Pat Gibbs and the "grandbabies" had possibly lived below ground for the last few years like the people in 12 Monkeys.
“Hard fought”: It was a boring game littered with three and outs and field goals where the Redskins ultimately backed into a victory via some “Redskins football.”
“Redskins Football”: An approach to game management so conservative it makes Barry Goldwater’s corpse blush. You know you are watching classic “Redskins Football” when you see the following:
- A draw play on 3rd and 9 at midfield during the second half of a tie game.
- A FG attempt from the 40 on first down during overtime.
- A play action pass that is focused on a receiver only one yard past the line of scrimmage.
- Eight games of regular season football without a TD pass to a WR.
A “true Redskin”: Aging journeyman skill position player who wouldn’t make the roster of most “good” teams and lacks any discernible above average skills. And he loves Jesus. See “Thrash, James.”
“fought our guts out”: Code for “needed overtime to barely defeat a significantly below .500 team.”
“Super smart”: Term used to detract negative attention from a “true Redskin” who has shown a complete inability to compete “up here” due to physical shortcomings and general ineptitude. See “Brunell, Mark.”
"Core guys":Players Snyder locked into long term deals that no other team would have approached in value and that preclude the team from ever cutting the player in question.
"We're all in this together...we're sticking together": Only to be used after a loss. Sure, we lost by 45, but it wasn't because one or two of us sucked. We ALL suck. And you know what? That's special. And don't worry...we'll suck like that again someday soon...but gosh darn it we'll do it AS A TEAM.
“we kept swinging out there”: Punts on top of punts. The defense spent more time on the field backpedaling than the refs did.
“Teams”: This is the term Coach “Joe” uses to describe special teams. The irony in his leaving off the “Special” is that in his second tenure the coverage and return teams have been the only consistently above average unit on this shitwagon.
“greatest fans in the league”: The really bitter people sitting with obstructed views behind huge cement pillars or sitting next to 5 empty seats in the club level drinking a $8 Bud Light and munching on $15 chicken fingers while their team loses to the Falcons.
“They’re playing the best football in the league right now”: This week’s opponent."We competed": We were dominated in every facet of the game from kick off to final gun.
I've been having fun using this to write my own simulated Gibbs presser.
"We all know that up here all the games are hard fought and it's always tough when the Eagles come to town--they're playing some of the best football in the league right now. We're gonna have to pray, fight our guts out and get back to Redskins football, and good Lord willin', with the greatest fans in the league behind us, maybe we can compete."