Friday, October 23, 2009

The Top 100 Embarrassments of the Daniel Snyder Era

While his fingerprints on this franchise only go back a mere 10 years, Daniel M. Snyder has had a profound and distinct impact on the Washington Redskins. From personnel to on field product, from game day experience to litigating elderly women into a fine dust, "Mister Snyder" has the Midas long as you replace "gold" with "feces." Sit back, relax and enjoy a few dozen of my favorite Daniel Snyder inspired decisions...and good news, friends: There's more where this came from.

The Snyder/Cerrato Specific Embarrassments
1. Firing Norv Turner…at the Stadium…while the team was over .500 and in playoff contention
2. Firing 30 Redskins employees in his first month on the job
3. Charging Fans to Attend Training Camp
4. Obstructed View Seats!
5. Bingo!
6. “The Maroon and Black”
7. Snyder didn’t like what was being said on the Redskins Fan Message board, so he bought it
8. Snyder didn’t like what was being said on the local sportstalk radio station, so he bought it
9. Snyder heard Redskins fans occasionally had fun at Six Flags Parks, so he bought (and bankrupted) it
10. “Inside the Red Zone with Vinny Cerrato”
11. The Club Seats at FedEx – Its very inspiring to see a large section in the middle of the stands sparsely populated for every single game
12. The most expensive parking, concessions and tickets in the league
13. Al Saunders 700 page playbook
14. Snyder Suing Season Ticket Holders
15. Treating draft picks like most people treat pennies
16. The Redskins Trade Coles for Moss and take a $5 million dead money cap hit in the process
17. The Skins give up 3 draft picks (a first, third and fifth) to draft Jason Campbell
18. Hiring Jim Zorn as offensive coordinator…”Oh did we say coordinator, because we meant head coach.”

The Really Embarrassing Losses
1. 2009: Lost to Lions, who were 0-19 in the previous 19.
2. 2009: Lost (at home) to the Chiefs, who were 1-16 in their last 17 games
3. 2007: Lost a squeaker to the Patriots 52-7.
4. 2005: Loss to the Giants 36-0
5. Mercifully, we’ll group the really bad Spurrier losses by year: 2003: Lost to the Eagles 31-7 on national television, lost to the Cowboys 27-0 in a “must win” game, lost to the juggernaut that was the Buffalo Bills 24-7 at home.
6. 2002 Spurrier: Lost 37-7 to the Eagles on Monday Night Football, Spurrier does gum flapping thing in slow motion. Lost to the Packers 30-9, and lost at home to the New Orleans Saints 43-27 (Who was the Saints QB, you ask? Oh no, it was not Drew Brees, or Archie Manning or Jesus Christ…it was Aaron Brooks. Aaron Brooks lit the Skins up for 43.).
7. The First Four Games of the Schottenheimer Era: L to San Diego 30-3, Lose to Green Bay 37-0, Lose to Kansas City 45-13, Lose to the Giants 23-7. Those were fun.
8. 2001: Week 15 and week 16 losses to the Cowboys and Steelers by scores of 32-13 and 24-3 respectively, also known as “The Robiskie Era.” Yes, after a 9-7 loss to the Giants that put the Skins to 7-6, this is when Snyder fired Norv Turner and insisted that Jeff George replace Brad Johnson for the rest of the season. That went well.

File These Under Other Various Embarrassments
1. The Champ Bailey for Clinton Portis Trade
2. The Gus Ferrotte Head Butt Game**
3. The Joe Gibbs Double Time Out Loss
4. Schottenheimer clears cap space, finishes the season 8-3….and is fired.
5. Zorn and Hip Hip Hooray
6. Snyder making a profit off of 9-11 themed Redskins merchandise
7. The Tailgating Fiasco of 2009
8. Trading two draft picks for T.J. Fucking Duckett
9. Osaka!
10. The 67 times Steve Spurrier didn’t know the name of one of his players during a public appearance…”Yes, well, uh, Darternian McCunts made a nice catch on that one there…”
11. Hey! It’s Pepper Rodgers!

**This actually happened in 1997, when Snyder had nothing to do with the Redskins, but oddly enough this is still somehow his fault.

The 28 Day Two (rounds 3 thru 7) draft picks that were complete busts (2000-2008):

1. Eddie Williams
2. Cody Glenn
3. Chad Rinehart
4. Durant Brooks
5. Rob Jackson
6. Dallas Sartz
7. Tyler Ecker
8. Kili Lefotu
9. Kevin Simon
10. Manuel White
11. Robert McCune
12. Jared Newbury
13. Nehemiah Broughton
14. Mark Wilson
15. Jim Molinaro
16. Gibran Hamden
17. Rashad Bauman
18. Cliff Russell
19. Andre Lott
20. Reggie Coleman
21. Jeff Grau
22. Greg Scott
23. Mario Monds
24. Lloyd Harrison
25. Michael Moore
26. Quincy Sanders
27. Todd Husak
28. Ethan Howell

The Eight Day One (Rounds 1 and 2) Draft Picks That Didn’t Work Out (in only eight drafts):
1. Devin Thomas
2. Fred Davis
3. Malcolm Kelly
4. Jason Campbell
5. Taylor Jacobs
6. Patrick Ramsey
7. Rob Gardner
8. Lavar Arrington

The 10 Big Money Free Agent Signings that Tanked:
1. Adam Archuleta
2. Brandon Lloyd
3. Mark Carrier
4. Jeff George
5. Deion Sanders
6. Bruce Smith
7. Dana Stubblefield
8. Dan Wilkinson
9. Jeremiah Trotter
10. Jessie Armstead

The Washed Up Guys That Cost Little Money But Still Sucked
1. Adrian Murrell
2. Shaun Alexander
3. Ki-Jana Carter
4. Trung Canidate
5. Chad Morton
6. Warwick Holdman
7. Danny Wuerffel
8. Shane Matthews
9. Tony Banks
10. Kent Graham
11. Jaquez Green
12. Chris Doering
13. Reidel Anthony
14. David Patten
15. Mike Rumph

The Good Players We Let Go Via Free Agency
1. Antonio Pierce
2. Ryan Clark
(You first must have good players in order to lose them disappointingly, which explains the brevity of this list)


At 10:38 AM, Blogger Mark said...

I liked how 7 of the 8 day one draft disappointments were offensive skill positions players (all WRS and QBs save for Fred Davis, who is basically a WR masquerading as a TE). The Redskins draft like a junior high school kid would draft.

"Oooh, he scores TDs, we have to have him!"

At 10:44 AM, Blogger Geoff said...

You could throw darts at day one WRs drafted since 01 and do much, much better than that. Its truly amazing.

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Michael said...

Geoff, while I'm estimating that you have zero idea about what the women at Purdue look like, I think that we can both agree that it probably looks like the Playboy mansion compared to William & Mary.

At 12:02 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Purdue is in the midwest. Check mate.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Michael said...

Right. You're stupid.

At 12:23 PM, Blogger Michael said...

I also take offense to your use of the word checkmate since you are the worst strategy game player ever.

At 12:23 AM, Blogger Whitney said...

I enjoyed the inclusion of "Rob" Gardner. Perfect for a forgotten, self-important WR.

At 10:29 AM, Blogger Geoff said...

He caught the ball 50% of the time...I'll spell his name right 50% of the time. Spurrier still thinks his name is Rob.

At 10:56 AM, Blogger zoltan said...

This is fantastic.

At 11:55 AM, Blogger Geoff said...

Does rooting for tonight's game to be a colossal circus make me a bad fan? As Rob and I discussed over a GTB, I want this playcalling fiasco to look like an Asian-American fire drill all night long...and anything short of that will be disappointing.

I will concede this to Snyder and Cerrato--this is the most excited I've been for a Redskins game all season.

At 1:12 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

I don't know much about "sports" but this analysis from Jaws sounds "bad":

A lot has been said about the play calling for the Washington Redskins this year. Sherman Lewis has been brought in to handle these duties so Jim Zorn can concentrate on all the other things an NFL head coach has to deal with. To me, that's an overreaction. There is nothing wrong with the play calling in Washington. The problem is execution.

Quarterback Jason Campbell is not playing well. He is missing open receivers. Campbell right now is not able to clearly see what is happening when he looks over the line of scrimmage. It's a deadly situation for an offense when the QB is not able to read and react effectively. I've seen a lot of dropped balls, too.

Another problem is the regression of running back Clinton Portis. The offensive line is making good blocks and getting Portis to the second level of the defense. The old Portis would make an initial 3-yard gain into an explosive 20- or 30-yard play. He's not doing that anymore, so Washington's running game does not scare anyone, making it harder on Campbell and the passing game.

Lewis has been away from pro football for five years, and this is a game that changes weekly. To solve a defense week in and week out, you have to be intimately aware of your own offense's strengths and weaknesses. Lewis simply has not had time to even learn his own team. I don't see how his play calling will be significantly better than Zorn's. I see this whole thing ending badly.

Zorn is not blameless. The Redskins have talent and are a good team. But they are not playing good football. I watch the coach's tape each week for all the teams and see all 22 players on every play. Many Redskins players do not give a maximum effort. That is something to be laid at the feet of the head coach. I'd take him to task for that, not the play calling.

At 1:57 PM, Blogger Michael said...

this got linked on DC sports bog. nice work.

At 2:36 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

You mean the Washington Post's own DC Sports Bog? Why no...I had no idea.

At 2:41 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Hopefully the GTB/Wheelhome contingent will be around this space of Gheorghe for tonight's action. Anyone up for predictions 9looks around, sees no one)? I'll go with 34-10 Eagles, with the Skins getting a late TD in garbage time. It'll be 24-0 at the half.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Dont forget about Randel El

At 2:54 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Randel El was a tough call. He's pretty much finished now, though he has the ability to be a decent slot guy. As a punt returner, he's awesome, as long as you like fair catches. He wasn't a total bust, but he also wasn't a clear success.

At 3:09 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

The NY Post said that Brooke Hundley "waddled" out of her apartment this morning. Really? I mean, that's spectacular...but REALLY? Waddled?

At 4:09 PM, Blogger TJ said...

Never question the paper that got Steve Phillips off my TV.

At 4:15 PM, Blogger mayhugh said...

Randel El was paid 20 times (note, that number is not based on any caluclations or anything else remotely scientific) more than what James Thrash was paid to do basically the same job. Randel El can throw the ball 5-8 times a year too, so, yeah, I guess maybe that's what all the extra money was for.

I think they'll get 2 figgies and lose 31-6.

At 4:36 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Things that ruin my afternoon: Snyder980 bumping Andy Pollin and Steve Czaban off the air in lieu of a 4 hour pregame show starring Larry Michael. I think I'll listen to some news radio.

At 4:37 PM, Blogger Mark said...

I'll be over at Gheorghe tonight reveling in the vitriol for this Skins team and, nore specifically Snyder/Cerrato. I have a feeling its going to be one of the highlights of my week.

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

I'll see you there...and in hell.

At 5:15 PM, Blogger Brian said...

Also, don't forget Jason Taylor.

At 5:22 PM, Blogger B said...

No mention of the 2008 MNF Election Eve take over by Steeler Nation?

It says a lot that ARE couldn't even crack the top 10 of inadvisable FA signings. Not sure Arrignton is a fair inclusion, so maybe ARE should bump Lavar.

You could also have included Snyder threatening legal action midbroadcast against legendary announcer Myron Cope for suggesting an alternate nickname of 'Redfaces' for the underachieving 2001 Skins team. "If that boy billionaire thinks he can shut me up, he can go stick his head in a can of paint"

At 7:22 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

Jason Taylor was a major oversight--nice catch. The Skins gave up a 3rd rounder for him? Or was it a 3rd and a 5ft?

As to Arrington, I agree that he is borderline--not a clear bust but also not a 2nd overall caliber guy.

At 8:57 PM, Blogger CHEspn said...

I enjoyed this very much

At 9:35 PM, Blogger "Chris Harvey" said...

You guys didn't sign Lloyd as a FA, you traded him for a 3rd and a 4th, which makes it even more of a failure.

At 3:43 PM, Blogger Mr. Mephistopheles said...

As much as I would like to blame it on Danny Boy, Wilkinson and Stubblefield were acquired when John Kent Cooke was running the team.


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