Monday, January 04, 2010

Does Presumptive Redskins Coach Have a Glass Eye?


For reasons that escape understanding, my wife has long held that two time Super Bowl winning coach Mike Shanahan has a glass eye. As long as I've known her, every time his name is brought up or his face appears on television, she proclaims this supposed fun fact. I have always dismissed this as ridiculousness; however, in light of the Redskins presumably tapping Shanahan to be the next guy fired by Daniel Snyder, I figured it was time to get to the bottom of this. The other day I decided to google "Mike Shanahan" and "glass eye." Apparently this is a suspicion that has plagued many corners of the internets.

So, I ask, does Mike Shanahan have a glass eye? And if so, what does this mean? Well, let's take a quick look at some of the greatest glass-eyed humans:

Sammy Davis Jr - Singer, songwriter, dancer, member of the Rat Pack, notable Judaism convert, the "Candyman"--not the scary kind.
Playoff wins without John Elway: Zero

Sandy Duncan: Actress, singer, Peter Pan portrayer, erstwhile matriarch to The Hogan Family following failed contract negotiations between NBC and Valerie Harper.
Playoff wins without John Elway: Zero

Stuart Scott: ESPN anchor, one man "booyah" clearinghouse, accomplished "sexter", bleeds Tar Heel blue
Playoff wins without John Elway: Zero

Peter Falk: American Actor known for portraying absent minded detective "Colombo," appeared as Fred Savage's grandfather in The Princess Bride, wanders the streets mumbling and shouting from time to time, might be insane
Playoff wins without John Elway: Zero

Mike Shanahan (alleged): Los Angeles Raiders and Denver Broncos Head Coach who won two Super Bowls with John Elway in the late 1990's.
Playoff wins without John Elway: One

Here's hoping the DC sports media gets Shanahan to go on record regarding this issue at his opening presser. And for the record, if he does have a glass eye, I'm starting a one man campaign for him to keep it real and to switch over to the eye patch.

16 Comments:

At 4:10 PM, Blogger rob said...

is stuart scott's eye glass or just fucked up? i think maybe just fucked up. or fucked up glass.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

According to the internets, Stuyah has a glass eye...so let's just file that away under "fact."

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger rob said...

sold.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Mark said...

It was just fucked for a long time. As the story goes, he was running routes during Jets training camp (during a break, I suppose) a few years back and ended up getting hit in the eye which finally pushed things over the edge and made the glass eye necessary.

And Geoff, you left out former Florida PG (and high school opponent of Greg Hillengland) Eddie Shannon. Dude led Florida to the Sweet 16 and made second team All-SEC in 98 with a glass eye. Quite an oversight on your part...for shame.

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

I do hate when I forget to mention people I've never heard of. Its among my worst qualities.

 
At 7:15 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Admitting it is the first step, Geoff. Speaking of which...

 
At 7:36 PM, Blogger Greg said...

Eddie Shannon and Bahdi Oliver just destroyed us. I'll never forget it.

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger Greg said...

I like how Mark used "oversight" in a discussion about glass eyes.

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger Whitney said...

Is this why people think Shanahan's a dick? He thinks people are way far away and he talks shit about them, but really they're standing right there?

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Or he refuses to make eye contact? Because he knows if he does then people will look straight into both eyes and realize his terrible secret?

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Geoff said...

I will say that in that picture, he does look to have some sort of eye abnormality.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger Greg said...

If you just look at the right side of his face, which is his left side, and then imagined that BOTH of his eyes looked like that, then he would look totally insane. I wonder if he likes Huey Lewis and the News.

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger zoltan said...

I never noticed the glass eye but I always thought he had false teeth.

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Mark said...

I heard his glass eye has a fish in it...and he has a peg leg with a kickstand.

(So mad at myself that it took me this long to think of that joke)

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger zoltan said...

But not an afro with a chinstrap.

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger Dennis said...

As long as he trades down, I don't care if he has a glass eye, a hook hand, and a wooden leg with a canary living in it.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home